Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What drink are we having for lunch?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
