sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
