Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
