Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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