Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
