mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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