my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
