the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
