i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize