"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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