Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
