I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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