i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
