We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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