Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize