I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
