Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
