I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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