so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
