Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
