I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
