four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
