wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
