Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize