At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
