hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
