kristin has been a bad kristin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
