Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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