maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This house was built for laser tag.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
