and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
