I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
