I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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