i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
