Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
