best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
