I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
