I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
