come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
