some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
