how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
