when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize