umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
