There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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