I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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