He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
