You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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