got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
