Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Let's get the cat blown out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
