Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
