So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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