dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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