yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
