There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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