I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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