Can i not drive my cunt home
I just pynch a tree in the face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
