You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
