its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
