the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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