Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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