If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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