and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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