whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize