You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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