He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
