We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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