I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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