I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
