Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
