you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
