I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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