Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you never un-have a 4some
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
