I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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