The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
