hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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