This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm getting married
To pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
