Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
